


i don’t want to go out on someone else’s terms

by coffeeandshakyhands



Series: awesamdad pog [4]
Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Author Projecting onto TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Child Neglect, Creeper Hybrid Sam | Awesamdude, Depressed TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Gen, I'm Sorry, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Mentioned Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF), Mentioned Technoblade (Video Blogging RPF), Mentioned Toby Smith | Tubbo, Mentioned Wilbur Soot, NEW TAG: alt universe where skeppy snapped everyone out of the trance of egg, Older Sibling Sam | Awesamdude, Parent Sam | Awesamdude, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective Sam | Awesamdude, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Hatred, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicidal TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), TommyInnit Has PTSD (Video Blogging RPF), TommyInnit is Not Okay (Video Blogging RPF), Traumatized Tommyinnit (Video Blogging RPF), Wilbur Soot and Technoblade and TommyInnit are Siblings, get him therapy, hes like a parental figure and older bro :), plz, the crimson doesn’t e x i s t :), the egg is gone, this kid isn’t okay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-02
Updated: 2021-02-02
Packaged: 2021-03-13 20:53:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 732
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29159949
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/coffeeandshakyhands/pseuds/coffeeandshakyhands
Summary: Tommy blames himself for it all. After all, he is a useless child.(Please read the tags!)(Previous Title: i don’t want to go down on someone else’s terms)
Relationships: Sam | Awesamdude & TommyInnit
Series: awesamdad pog [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2139312
Comments: 26
Kudos: 981





	i don’t want to go out on someone else’s terms

**Author's Note:**

> IM PROJECTING LMAO
> 
> disclaimer: none of these fics in this series are connected unless i explicitly say so. these are all just random oneshots i looped together into a group.

Tommy didn’t know what he was doing. Ender knows he lost that ability the second Wilbur died. He had been somewhat of a lost puppy, wandering around and not knowing how in fucks name he messed up half the things he did.

It was his fault, wasn’t it? All of this. Sam nearly dying, Wilbur dying, Dream being a piece of shit, L’Manberg blowing up, Jack wanting him dead, an Egg only being taken down due to the fact that Skeppy existed.

All of it. It was all him.

_ Things, buildings, they can be replaced! People can't be replaced. I'm not losing anyone else... I'm not losing anyone else. Not to this bullshit. _

He remembered that. That fucking quote he heard Phil mumbling to himself. Phil had lost so much. Tommy was to blame. After all, he did betray everyone. He was a useless kid, a stupid child, a reckless teenager. Of course he fucked it up. That’s all he did.

He ruined it. 

** It was all his fault. **

Tommy knew his breathing was becoming ragged and quick, but he didn’t care. He was buried under the covers of his bed, nothing could hurt him. Maybe he could fall asleep and not wake up. Maybe this was all some sick dream. Maybe he’d wake up and he’d be a ten year old again, bugging Wilbur and Techno about their school work.

Maybe. That probably would never happen, as much as Tommy wished it would.

He just wanted that stuffed frog that Sam gave him. He didn’t know why Sam gave it to him, but he had said it was good for nightmares.

_ This little guy helps me a lot, thought you’d like him. _

_ I’m not a fucking baby. _

_ Neither am I, and I still have him. _

_...what’s his name? _

_ Hopscotch. _

Tommy grabbed the small thing and curled in on himself, the soft frog underneath his chin as he let his mind wander.

He couldn’t do anything right, holy shit. Phil and Techno hate him, Wilbur was dead, Tubbo was running another country.Nobody wanted him around.

Stupid child. 

_ Stupid **fucking child.** _

Tommy felt an urge to walk into a lava pool, the urge to let the warm heat consume him and burn him. Let the hot liquid run down his throat and burn his insides slowly. Let his body never be found, the only remains of him lying in the scorch of the Nether.

Phil wouldn’t care. Techno wouldn’t. They’d probably celebrate! They’d be happy, finally able to properly replace Tommy with Ranboo. A perfect family.

A family they couldn’t be as long as he was here.

As long as he stood on the blood-stained dirt of this realm, nobody was happy. Not a single person.

“Maybe I should die,” Tommy muttered under his breath, tightening his grip on Hopscotch and burying his face into the comfort of the plush toy. It was soft, fluffy. It felt like Techno’s cape, the smooth silk being complimented by a comforting fur trim.

Tommy remembered when the sight of that cape meant comfort or hugs, not the risk of death. He remembered when the sight of his older brother didn’t cause his head to echo with explosions and his mind to replay that same line over and over again.

_ You wanna be a hero, Tommy? Then **DIE LIKE ONE!** _

That line was the subject of many nightmares, many panic attacks and so much terror.

Phil defended Techno. Defended his eldest ruthlessly, as if he was born to. Phil never defended Tommy. His father could be presented with piles and piles evidence that Tommy didn’t do something, and he’d still say it was youngest boy’s fault.

Phil hated him. Just like everyone else.

Everyone but Sam.

_ Sam didn’t hate Tommy, though! Sam gave him small gifts, like that oversized, grey hoodie with the old L’Manberg flag stitched onto the shoulder! And the frog! Sam liked him. _

Or was it pity. It could pity. It was always pity. Ranboo, Dream, Techno. All of the pitied him.

Pity. That was all it was and ever would be.

Tommy curled into himself further and began to sob, sobbing so much that he ended up falling asleep with tear tracks on his face.

And if Sam walked into the boy’s room, saw the state he was in, and began knitting a beanie for the boy?

Well, that was nobody’s business.

**Author's Note:**

> please correct spelling errors in the comments :)


End file.
